Lisa
Don’t mistake fame or your
beauty for mine.
Stassi
Come back, if only for
the goat cheese balls.
Jax
Whatever else, the sex
was adequate.
Tom Sandoval
Cover-up applies
better clean-shaven.
Sheanna
Few become their own
crop-topped bridal stylists.
Ariana
Who should be smart
enough to know better.
James
Leave him to his posh
busboy puppy love.
Katie
Nobody’s fool would motorboat
a d.
Stassi
Betrayal wants another
bff.
Lisa
Translated, the maid’s
name means something pink.
The Other Tom, Tom Schwartz
Marriage gives most
guys the jitters, bubba.
Ariana
Check
your text messages, smirk and look up.
Jax’s “Therapist”
The world will always validate your needs.
Peter, Vail, Kristina, Rachel, Shay,
etc.
Second-string friends,
bit players, fiancés,
third-rate fifth
business, wannabes, the rest.
Line Cooks at SUR
(High five: some
heinous puta just got fired!)
Katie
No proper girl wants a
ring on a string.
Kristen
Your best and only
boyfriend is the truth.
Chorus, led by Tom Sandoval
Shut up, Kristen, shut
up, shut up, shut up.
Lisa
Who makes the rules
should never sign the cheques.
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